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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {